The Parking Zone

Search For Lost Thoughts

I try to remember my own thoughts. The ones I had forgotten. It’s not like remembering my own actions. I want to remember those exact thoughts. I remember most of the things that happened, but the thoughts they evoked. No. Not those random thoughts.

I just can’t understand why! They were mine. Belonged to me and no one else could have taken them from me. But they simply vanished. No traces. Not even shadows lingering around. Only memories that don’t make sense.

Then I realize these thoughts won’t last any longer either. They probably would go away as their predecessors. Leaving no traces behind. And there is nothing I could do about it. I truly am utterly helpless. Hopeless.

But I will remember one thing. I will remember I had them. Before they vanish they were mine. I will remember that I had something exclusive to me. To me only that I didn’t need to share with anyone.

And yet I wonder. I wonder and ponder. Why can’t I remember them? Is it that I have a bad memory? But I think it’s fine. And I think there is nothing wrong with me. But I guess everyone thinks that. That there is nothing wrong with them.

But isn’t there? Isn’t there something wrong with everyone? I think there is. If not then why is this place so messed up?

But our imperfections make us somewhat perfect. They tend to bring us together. We search for what is missing in ourselves. Hoping to find whatever it is in others. Making us compatible with each other.

Labyrinth Of My Mind

Of walls built with thoughts. Decorated with dreams.

We walk alone in the vastness of my cardboard box. Me by your side. You following me. Fear of being lost is in your heart. I can feel it. After all you are in my mind. Taking this tour.

A voice in the background. Speaking words of wisdom.

The Voice in my head.

We walk on a tiring journey through an oasis of a disquieted mind. The sky high above. But no light comes from it. No stars nor clouds are to be seen. Our path is only lit by a shimmering light. The source is you. It is hard to understand. Ironic even. You lighting my path in my own mind.
But I know my way around. I have been here all my life. My mere mind.

'What's that?' you ask me.

What would I say? I don't know what to say. I could lie, but I rather not.

'It's his dark secret. Something he doesn't share with anyone. Something even mysterious to him. The Thing that is, in some ways controlling his life. His actions. He isn't sure what it is. Neither am I.' The Voice take over my incompetence. The Voice always had my back.

You turn to me. A confused look on your face. You want me to say something. But I have nothing to say.

'Who is that?'

I don't know what you are talking about.

'The Voice.'

'It's the Voice. It's what keeps me company. What helps me in different ways. I don't know what it is except for the fact that it is a voice.'

We start to walk again. Not knowing where we are headed we walk anyway.
Silence. Deafening silence. Yes. It's too much for someone to take. Restraining myself isn't easy in my own mind.

Your eyes dart around. Mesmerized by my mere mind. Marveled at my mysterious mind. My mere mysterious mind. I feel your thoughts rushing past me. Like the cold breeze rushing through the hairs of your hand in a moonless cold night. Hairs reacting to the coldness and erecting to its guard. Yes, I feel your thoughts.

You stop. Faraway you see two persons fighting. Inside a circle of men who were sitting down. I smile.
They never cease to amaze me. In their neverending battles for my beliefs. The conflicts of my inner mind. They fight in curious ways. Usually two at a time. A third joining now and then. The tired sits down. Defeated leave the dispute. It is a war I like watching. I don't take sides, but I watch. Mocking them yet enjoying their differences and disagreements. They fight to the end. Everyman for himself.