Search For Lost Thoughts

I try to remember my own thoughts. The ones I had forgotten. It’s not like remembering my own actions. I want to remember those exact thoughts. I remember most of the things that happened, but the thoughts they evoked. No. Not those random thoughts.

I just can’t understand why! They were mine. Belonged to me and no one else could have taken them from me. But they simply vanished. No traces. Not even shadows lingering around. Only memories that don’t make sense.

Then I realize these thoughts won’t last any longer either. They probably would go away as their predecessors. Leaving no traces behind. And there is nothing I could do about it. I truly am utterly helpless. Hopeless.

But I will remember one thing. I will remember I had them. Before they vanish they were mine. I will remember that I had something exclusive to me. To me only that I didn’t need to share with anyone.

And yet I wonder. I wonder and ponder. Why can’t I remember them? Is it that I have a bad memory? But I think it’s fine. And I think there is nothing wrong with me. But I guess everyone thinks that. That there is nothing wrong with them.

But isn’t there? Isn’t there something wrong with everyone? I think there is. If not then why is this place so messed up?

But our imperfections make us somewhat perfect. They tend to bring us together. We search for what is missing in ourselves. Hoping to find whatever it is in others. Making us compatible with each other.