Search For Lost Thoughts

I try to remember my own thoughts. The ones I had forgotten. It’s not like remembering my own actions. I want to remember those exact thoughts. I remember most of the things that happened, but the thoughts they evoked. No. Not those random thoughts.

I just can’t understand why! They were mine. Belonged to me and no one else could have taken them from me. But they simply vanished. No traces. Not even shadows lingering around. Only memories that don’t make sense.

Then I realize these thoughts won’t last any longer either. They probably would go away as their predecessors. Leaving no traces behind. And there is nothing I could do about it. I truly am utterly helpless. Hopeless.

But I will remember one thing. I will remember I had them. Before they vanish they were mine. I will remember that I had something exclusive to me. To me only that I didn’t need to share with anyone.

And yet I wonder. I wonder and ponder. Why can’t I remember them? Is it that I have a bad memory? But I think it’s fine. And I think there is nothing wrong with me. But I guess everyone thinks that. That there is nothing wrong with them.

But isn’t there? Isn’t there something wrong with everyone? I think there is. If not then why is this place so messed up?

But our imperfections make us somewhat perfect. They tend to bring us together. We search for what is missing in ourselves. Hoping to find whatever it is in others. Making us compatible with each other.

Labyrinth Of My Mind

Of walls built with thoughts. Decorated with dreams.

We walk alone in the vastness of my cardboard box. Me by your side. You following me. Fear of being lost is in your heart. I can feel it. After all you are in my mind. Taking this tour.

A voice in the background. Speaking words of wisdom.

The Voice in my head.

We walk on a tiring journey through an oasis of a disquieted mind. The sky high above. But no light comes from it. No stars nor clouds are to be seen. Our path is only lit by a shimmering light. The source is you. It is hard to understand. Ironic even. You lighting my path in my own mind.
But I know my way around. I have been here all my life. My mere mind.

'What's that?' you ask me.

What would I say? I don't know what to say. I could lie, but I rather not.

'It's his dark secret. Something he doesn't share with anyone. Something even mysterious to him. The Thing that is, in some ways controlling his life. His actions. He isn't sure what it is. Neither am I.' The Voice take over my incompetence. The Voice always had my back.

You turn to me. A confused look on your face. You want me to say something. But I have nothing to say.

'Who is that?'

I don't know what you are talking about.

'The Voice.'

'It's the Voice. It's what keeps me company. What helps me in different ways. I don't know what it is except for the fact that it is a voice.'

We start to walk again. Not knowing where we are headed we walk anyway.
Silence. Deafening silence. Yes. It's too much for someone to take. Restraining myself isn't easy in my own mind.

Your eyes dart around. Mesmerized by my mere mind. Marveled at my mysterious mind. My mere mysterious mind. I feel your thoughts rushing past me. Like the cold breeze rushing through the hairs of your hand in a moonless cold night. Hairs reacting to the coldness and erecting to its guard. Yes, I feel your thoughts.

You stop. Faraway you see two persons fighting. Inside a circle of men who were sitting down. I smile.
They never cease to amaze me. In their neverending battles for my beliefs. The conflicts of my inner mind. They fight in curious ways. Usually two at a time. A third joining now and then. The tired sits down. Defeated leave the dispute. It is a war I like watching. I don't take sides, but I watch. Mocking them yet enjoying their differences and disagreements. They fight to the end. Everyman for himself.

Speck of light

I am just a star in your sky
Watching over you as you cry
To all your words I will reply
For all your commands I will comply

A lonely little speck of light
Unnoticed in the blackness of night
Insignificant against the moon so bright
Rarely caught in a telescopic sight

Sorted into a constellation
Of stars floating in an ocean
A trivial god of a far off civilization
Just longing for some recognition

Waiting shyly so far away
Wishing you were mine everyday
Drifting so slowly in the Milky way
Hoping you will meet me halfway

Flying to a far away black hole
With all my love and my soul
Crying for you to take control
Converge with my core and make me whole

leave me alone

let us be

02

Those eyes. Beautiful. Amazing. Wonderful. Intriguing.
They Reminded him of his love. They painted pictures of the future in his head. They brought memories of a nearly forgotten past. They triggered a whole new set of dreams.
She smiled. His heart skipped a beat. She looked at him right in the eye. His whole body froze.
He felt that he couldn't do anything. Perfectly and utterly helpless. As if all he could do would mean nothing.
But he was sure he would do everything he could. Because right now the little girl in his hand meant everything.

01

Patiently he waited. Pacing to and fro. A little smile on his face. Signs of worry in his movements. A sense of pride taking hold of him in an untimely manner.
He was afraid and happy. Concerned and proud.
Every sound was inaudible. Every movement was inconsistent. Except of the children around him. They made him nervous.
They made him feel something he had never felt before.

At The End Of The Day

At the end of the day it's just me
And the cruelty of my life
With reality slapping my face yelling weeee!
Heaving me into all this strife

Whispers of fantasy echoing through my head
While all that's left is whipped away
Showing me sad shades of red
Leaving me to struggle just one more day

At the end of the day it's just me
And the brutality of this world
Robbing me away of all that is free
Leaving me with nothing but words

Like a juggling joker juggling in my mind
I am playing with my own words
Going through a heap to find
Nothing but the right words

At the end of the day it's just me
And the recurrence of routines
It's like living in a sea
With nothing but machines

the road

You are driving alone on a lonely road. It's dark. The headlights staring at the empty road has an eerie affect. But you can't see ahead. Just a few meters. Then, darkness.
You don't no where you are headed. Or where you are coming from.
Suddenly you see someone on the road. Right in front. You react in a split second. Slamming the brake as hard as you can. You almost skid off the road. Your heart is beating irregularly fast. You are panting.
Whoever it was, he is gone. Nowhere in sight. Did you really see someone? Or was it just imagination.
You are still breathing fast. Heart still beating irregularly. And you couldn't think. Get yourself to move on. You are inevitably stuck. You don't know why. You just don't know. There is no sense in going back and you can't move forward.

time

pulses in pace
repetition of routines
movements in metre
recurrence of rhythms
cadence in counts
patterns of periodicity
encores in echos

Brainwashed

Fabricated with lies they told us a story
Excused without reason, justified without explanation
Brainwashed we stood - never thought it was a lie
And we listened eagerly - never read between the lines

Then they triumph over their victory
Fireworks, joy, excitement and celebration
But we only saw through our eyes
Never Asked, never questioned, never thought with our minds

Beautiful

Beautiful is what I see
But not through my eyes
Something seen only by me
Pure and safe from lies

Beautiful is what I feel
Deep within my mind
Shoved in and in a seal
Deep within hard to find



Beautiful was everything
Until I was awaken
Beautiful I still think
Until it was broken

i have no reason whatsoever for not uploading my blog...and that is the reason this blog is mine

hey....its raining

.

i had my chances

maybe i will have more

A new beginning

Find me a place
And a whole new face
I wanna start over
A new story

Or should I?
Stand here mesmerized by
Where my life takes me
Should I?

Oh those days
Where we played
Running around having fun
Oh! those lovely days

How could I?
Stand here astonished by
Where this is going
How could I?

Find me a name
And give me no fame
I wanna start over
A silent story

Night

It's the middle of the night

The roof is hiding my view

But yet I know

The moon is shining so bright

Old yet so new

A luminous show

The stars giving out light

Little and few

A glowing flow

Happiness is...

deceit

Conceal and deceive
Hide and trick
Full of lies
A lot of false
Cheat and lie
Betray and con
Full of secrets
A lot of confusion

LIFE

Trust Nothing
Doubt Everything

small..

feelin a lil small these days

Nobody is Perfect

its a long way......to home